Sick and tired and overwhelmed

 I'm beginning to think it's better to use this site for personal things. Tumblr is great but somewhat overwhelming and it feels like I have to tag in absurdum just to not upset people. A few days ago I was really upset but managed to write to lower the stress somewhat. Unfortunately, I wrote a poem and that couldn't be posted on my writing blog because Tumblr fucks up the formatting.

Sigh.

I'm tired of tiptoeing around people and of getting hurt (and seeing others get hurt, for that matter). I'm tired of people. They inevitably fuck up my life when I let them into it. I get that where a social species but I really do better solitary; I don't even feel the way other humans do. I don't have that "need" of others that you're supposed to have; I don't even know what that means. I can enjoy the company of others under the right circumstances but there is no "need" as such. I'm not interested in that traditional relationship that others seem to covet so badly. I never was. I just wanted the freedom to live on my own and do what I want.

My spirituality tells me that I have the right to do so, that I'm here for my own sake, not for others. Yet I find myself shrinking my expression to not step on others' toes because that's what you're supposed to do, right? Be "considerate" and "polite" rather than just kind and caring. I'm sick of it.

If I write my more personal or "sensitive" thoughts here where fewer people can see them, maybe I don't need to censor myself so much. I want to find the freedom back to just spontaneously express myself and if the choice is between that and being seen by more people, then so be it.

It does require me learning how to properly use this site's features, of course, but I guess I'll figure it out over time. I've learned so many other things; I can learn this too.

And So We Fall

 

And So We Fall

And so we fall with wings aflame

Like embers fading through the sea

A moment's mirror of the stars above

through shadows of a broken tree

The winds shall rage at our demise

The sun shall spell our names

But sand will cover every trace

in time’s eternal games

A memory in someone’s heart

A carving in the wood

All fades away and no one cares

who wears the Reaper’s hood

Our words were shared so long ago

but nothing really changed

The sights that formed through broken glass

just made us look deranged

We fly too high to be believed

Too low to be recalled

What all we do is out of bounds

as life cannot be stalled

So once our bodies’ powdered bones

have risen through the waves

The sky will clear and we’ll be gone

with no name to our graves